An obligation

My friends say, "I'm proud of you! You're getting the help you need with medication and therapy", when I shared about my MDD, OCD and anxiety. 

But these little yellow and pink pills with the strawberry flavour, rips all my emotions from me.

I am now but a walking zombie, feeling nothing, dazed and lost, tired and drowsy with no tingles of anything other than the incoming feeling of a panic attack to send me heart racing like cardio at the gym.

I feel like my life is but an obligation to live.

I wish I had control over my vital functions like breathing and pausing thoughts, for I'd put a stop to them both at the count of 1...2...3...4; just like holding my breath in the box breathing technique my psychiatrist taught me.